he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
