i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
