the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
