I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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