Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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