Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
