thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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