i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
