did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
