Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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