I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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