I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
