its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
