you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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