lets start a swedish sibling band together
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
