Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
