he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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