I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
