I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
