If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
