i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
