I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
