Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
