As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
