ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
