she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
foreskin is a definite game changer
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
