So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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