i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have fence marks all over my body
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
