does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
