my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
