this boner is exhausting
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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