One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
