It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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