i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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