i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
