I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
