Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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