So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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