i don't like sucking hair
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
