Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
