Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize