i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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