like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY