well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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