I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
