That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
