Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
