i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
