Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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