Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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