"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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