I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
