i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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