sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
