Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
