i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
