fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
