I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
