I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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