I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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