You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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