My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
