I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
