Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
there is another microwave in the elevator.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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