dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They took my balls.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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