can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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