i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
